Why I’m Scared to Get Married, Part 2

When I was a little girl, I played wedding and mommy more than any other little girl I knew.  It does seem, upon reflection, that I played dishes more than I played cook.  Oops.

From a very young age, my plan was to go to college (so thankful that was a priority), get married, and become a stay at home mom forevermore.

If you know me today, you might laugh at that.   Or you might feel badly for me–because you got to do that and I didn’t.

I remember vividly my graduation day at Taylor University (one of those “ring by Spring” schools).  I was confident that I, indeed, would soon be living the fairy tale as my boyfriend and I held hands through the ceremony line-up. I was living the dream.

We were SO not ready.  And it wasn’t meant to be with the men after him, either.

God taught me a thing or two about fairy tales.  He’s both protected me and let me learn the hard way. Mostly, He gave me time with Him.  Time to do His work.  Time to know Him.  Time to love His people, His children. Time to better understand how complexly He’s created me.

Singleness isn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be.  Do I think being married is better?  Yes.  But would I trade this road so far?  Not in a million.  You need to know that.  So often, our journeys look different than we’ve imagined.  But, when we go with God, the course, though it might not appear to be straight, actually is [as promised here].

This journey’s been a paradox for me: wanting someone in my life so deeply, and yet loving the time I’ve had to study, to travel, to minister.  It’s going to be difficult to meld all this with another.  I’ve developed some deep passions.  Some of them I’m not really willing to give up anymore (like saving the children).  And if I’m lucky enough to get married, I’m pretty sure the man I marry will be bringing his own passions and knowledge of what he was created to do. But two must become one.  We must align.  It’s probably going to be messy.  And powerful.

[Please see Why I’m Scared to Get Married, Part 1 if you’re interested in my wedding phobias.  I know.]

3 thoughts on “Why I’m Scared to Get Married, Part 2

  1. Pingback: Why I’ve been blogging so much deep stuff and how you can pray for my friend Heather Perry | the UnCommon good

  2. The heart craves a companion. And why shouldn’t it? It’s always safer to be safe. As Byron said (this may be a paraphrase), “The days of our youth are the days of our glory.”. In my experience, marriage has had a tendency to burn out the youth, the vibrancy, the GLORY of those I know. They stop dreaming of being a member of the Light Brigade and start dreaming of practical things – which are not dreams at all, merely the precognitions of dying youth. Far better to wait for the one who preserves and enhances your youth than to marrythe one who makes you comfortable. There are so many opportunities to love those who are comfortable – and so few to love the exciting. Give me a long wait and enduring fulfillment every day.

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