Yes, my parents are divorced. And I hate it.

Before you read further, you should know that I absolutely adore my parents.  My parents, now separately, live God-centered, loving, growing lives.  I’m proud of how they’re making it through.  I’m honored to be their daughter.

Their divorce, though, shattered me.

My parents were together for over 30 years before their marriage dissolved.  They were college sweethearts, the best of friends.  I didn’t see it coming.

If you think divorce might be an option for your family, I beg you to re-consider.  It might be the better choice for you, but it is rarely the better choice for your kids.

I just devoured a book called, Children of Divorce by Andrew Root.  If you are a child of divorce (at any age), have children of divorce, or are in relationship with children of divorce, you should read it.

Through reading, wise counsel and a lot of heart work, I feel like I might be coming out on the other side of the divorce-fog.  But, I do wonder if my grief at the holidays will ever end.  Families weren’t made to live this divided life.  I wasn’t created to navigate my own path and live life looking for a landing zone.

In our parents’ divorce we had ourselves become strays, people without a place, people without belonging.

I became more and more aware that the road that lay ahead had now radically forked, causing me (making it my job) to find a way to travel both paths, while simultaneously finding my own road.

(quotes from Andrew Root’s Children of Divorce)

Because I know God redeems stories and binds the broken, I’m well aware that He’s used divorce for much good in my life.  I have grown in my depth of feeling, my passion for mending broken systems, and my sense of urgency for bringing children into a place of belonging.

I pray I get to be a wife and mother.  And together, we will build a home of unshakeable belonging–one that rose out of the harsh reality of pain and loss but has a firm grasp on a God that created us for wholeness.

Until I build that house, I have a feeling there are a few other children He wants me to provide a place of belonging for…

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 
To proclaim liberty to captives 
And freedom to prisoners.

Isaiah 61:1

5 thoughts on “Yes, my parents are divorced. And I hate it.

  1. This made me sad. Mainly because I know your heart is still hurting, but also because I love your family. But it also made me thankful for my husband and even more committed to nurturing our marriage and family — for our sake and the sake of our kids. Thanks for the encouragement. I pray you get to be a wife and mother, too. You’ll be an amazing one. xo

  2. I’m so sorry to hear of your pain and your parent’s choice. My husband is leaving me and our poor children now face what you go through. I wish so very much I could have stopped it and saved them.

  3. Pingback: Why I’ve been blogging so much deep stuff and how you can pray for my friend Heather Perry | the UnCommon good

  4. I had parents who got a divorce too. Prior to the divorce I had visions of going back home and working with my father. It was my highest goal. since then I have emotionally separated myself. I am my own island. And certainly there are days (and weekends) where I crave a family. But I’ve learned I will never let me down. And, while that may be depressing, I have learned to dream bigger and think more outside the box than I ever would have if I was tied to family. Orphanage is a great way to discover yourself (and I sometimes have difficulty figuring out the difference between myself and an orphan).

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